She told me to be more soft with people… be happier… not focus so much on right and wrong… be more laid-back… know that God loves me.
Oops. Just read back over January 10th. I guess my head is full of stuffing after all… Anyway, we went here and there yesterday, part of the time with Monde. At her house, I saw such an adorable book of her childhood pictures… Later, we shopped at Walmart… then I dropped her off, and she told me those words.
Well, I feel so strange, spending this time with her, like this isn’t real life. I’m in some dream… But I remember my boundaries. My only real hope with her now is to not disappoint her.
I woke up today thinking of her. I… don’t know… what I should do… I don’t feel guilty for this attachment — with all her flaws, she seems nearly perfect to me. My concern is that I don’t want to annoy her.
Well, I’ve died so many times, and I think that nothing she does will sadden me anymore; and forgiveness comes more and more quickly if ever I feel disappointed. I’ll just keep going to sleep and waking up every day…
I guess this story is getting kind of monotonous. I know I’ve said this stuff fifty times before. By now, any reader should know what my priority is.
So, it’s Tuesday morning now. Yesterday, I met Masami again, who has been pushing to repay me in order to utilize my car again. She cornered me and gave me a cheque for half the expense of that guy’s car repair. I also returned my new book for my marriage and family class (the 10th edition) after comparing it with my old book (8th edition) that I’d saved after withdrawing from this class in the old school a couple years ago. Although my teacher had insisted that old books could not be used, they were roughly the same… The difference wasn’t worth ninety-four dollars.
Lastly, there was a car crash at work in the afternoon. I had been stuck at the credit union just before — some new girl was very slowly being guided through some long process on the computer, and then my transaction took much longer than I was accustomed to — and when I got to work at least 10 minutes after my 2:40 start time, there was already a tremendous line, as half the lanes had been blocked off for the accident. It was a minor affair. I did tell a police officer to see if he could ask another officer to move his car out of the left-turn lane, since he was triggering and prolonging the turn light every light cycle, slowing the opposite traffic.