First day of school… feeling great so far. Cost is 1463 plus about 266 for books (paid by my mom; then a year-long bus pass for 90 and a few dollars for supplies; I have no plans to buy food at school). If trends continue, I should recover about 80% of that book money by selling back to the bookstore in December. I sold my school-published finance book (which I got for 9.70) to some girl I saw in the bookstore today for 5.
I saw the other girl today here and there. I guess I’m over her…
I think it was last year that I made a chart showing all the days that I interacted with her since I came back from Korea (created from chat logs, e-mails, and journals; I think it’s almost completely accurate), seeing if I could tie it to other behavioural records of mine and better decide my aims with her. For fun, I’ll post it here…
The percentage is the days out of the month when I had any form of intentional contact with her.
So, I came back in August ’06. December was that 100%. She broke faith at the start of January ’07. If I recall right, March was some offense over MySpace. In June ’07, I went to Canada (right after her late-May vow of permanent separation). In October was the issue of the airport ride, her replacing my offer with two others successively. She came in late December. In January ’08, she started school and by February, she had found new friends. By the beginning of April ’08, she’d told me she didn’t want to keep in touch anymore; then the next month, I think, she went back home for the summer. I e-mailed her trying to see if I could get my English book back for my class that summer. Finally, that August bump was that day that I saw her at school and she offered the book. Obviously, September and October are not finished; but I think I’ve seen her twice in September with no contact, including today, so I expect those lines to stay level.
…Anyway, whether we talk or not, I’m not going to keep track anymore. The corelation… well, I can’t say it didn’t hold. There was a definite effect, although I couldn’t perfectly predict anything from it. But anyway, that other behavioural chart has outlasted her — and I couldn’t interact with her anymore even if I wanted to.
…But mostly, it’s not important to me anymore. I kept that partly for the sake of history, the history of a relationship I valued immensely… but my history doesn’t seem to include her anymore…
Well, I have no need to repeat anything about her, good or ill. Did I do wrong? Do I still care for her? Did she miss out? Those are all treated in my journal archives here.
But today… this chart comes to a close.
And I hope my whole life becomes new also, not just my heart.