Autumn

From Monday, and excepting Thursday, I’ve been going down to the nursing home at the veteran’s hospital.  I’ll go again today.  It’s getting chillier, especially in the mornings down at work.
 
After tonight, the delivery work will have brought in four hundred.  There’s a two-week break in the crossing job, which is two hundred less revenue.  I still have donations to make to exceed the remaining surplus.
 
Well, it’s not really "less".  I never had it coming anyway.  I guess the two hundred I lost was that traffic ticket…  But, pulling cars into it, I saved maybe three hundred in gas by leaning on public transportation during summer term, and since August, it’s probably over three hundred more in gas saved from having a dead car.  Add to that the two hundred back from insurance, and somewhere between fifty and a hundred for registration…  Fifty saved from having to buy Monde and people food…

…Well, since…… summer….. all my car expense has been non-essential; so anything I save now, I didn’t need to be spending anyway.  I have no income earning or anything else that demands it, at this point.

 
As for other things…  Now and then, I feel very lonely.  It looks like Elena Yanova easily came and easily went.  She gives no more time to me.  It’s made me a bit gloomy, but not intensely so.  I will always appreciate that she dressed so nicely, anyway.  At least one girl in our school is modest.
 
I’ve talked a bit with…. Petra Pintar.  She’s very pretty and talkable…
 
I’ve sat next to nice Nichole Long from my drawing class last term.  I had one talk with a nice student named Beatrice, a medically oriented Tanzanian girl who helped rekindle some of my study plans from this spring.  I’ve met several Chinese girls and others online, and been in touch again with Erica the realtor… and the girl at work is nice, Xiao Jie (pronounce Chinese Xs as "Sh" and Qs as "Ch", people).
 
…Nothing, anyway, to… remove the loneliness.  I’ve seen that phantom around, but I try to forget her immediately each time.
 
At the restaurant on Wednesday, I met an older fellow named "Homer Clark" who was disoriented and needed help getting home.  He said he liked art and had been a physician once.
 
Down at the hospital, I’ve visited a bit with some communicatively impaired residents, some quite less lucid than others.  Most of them down there seem to bend the truth at least a little, while only a few do I feel I can literally believe.  I remember one lady in particular.  Her English was grammatical, but she talked all kinds of unconnected, sub-real things.  I guessed that most of it was coming from her past, and I started to think that she was choosing words that in her mind communicated the concepts and the emotions she wished to express — using examples from her past experiences that were tied to those feelings.  I could tell she more or less understood what I said.  It was an interesting conversation.  For now, and with such limited exposure, I reject the idea that the impairment of memory disorder reflects any deeper loss of awareness; and a person’s lack of ability to communicate does not justify behaving toward them as if they were insane or imbecilic.
 
I argued last night with a Native woman who blamed me for being late.  Her poor husband was much softer, but she clearly doesn’t understand how deliveries go, how that she can’t live far away across a torn-up, congested road, closer to several other restaurants, and call during a busy hour on a busy night, and still think that she’s going to get some special preference, or a discount.  Anyway, I was a little regretful later for being so blunt with her there at her doorstep.  I don’t like waiting for things either…  Obviously, none of my 85 dollars last night came from that house.  I’d suggested that to her anyway, instead of her requested discount.
 
It was enjoyable, but I’ll be glad to be done with this night work so I can do homework again… -_-  …And this volunteering, which I’ll tone down after I turn in my required hours.
 
[Edit: Well, I didn’t make it to the hospital again.  It’s hard to get out the door on Saturdays…
 
It snowed and rained lightly tonight… and I said another goodbye to dear Hunan Garden Restaurant.]
 
-Steve
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