Today… I deleted contacts. I kept most of the Mongolians and the really old ones.
Alex let me know that she never liked me. I think this might have been my first time crying for her… I can’t remember…
Oh well… It has passed…
She insisted for a long time that she wouldn’t hurt me. But at last, we failed to maintain the boundaries of discipline and respect.
Well, I always knew that girls are poor predictors of the future. The good promises of their hearts never last.
But then, I have been the patient recipient of many of their promises of anger. So those have proven true…
Then, is a girl’s hatred stronger than her love?
…Is my hatred stronger than my love? I’ve rarely ever thought so…
But I do believe that… my forgetting overpowers them both.
Those boulders of my love have all been buried by the dirt of my forgetfulness… Although they still persist, at least I can walk about normally with no danger of being crushed.
How could I, a decaying composition of flesh and mineral, have produced these indestructable things out of my own heart? Even my bones will crumble before my love ceases. Even my dead teeth will melt back into the sheets of rock…
Perhaps millennia would wear away and break up those terrible monoliths… Perhaps aeons.
Was I born with this love? No, I created it, layer by layer… It was difficult to make, but infinitely harder to destroy once made.
So this is our human power, inherited from God — eternal love.
Like a gun, let’s be careful which direction we point it.
As I’ve heard, the mutuality and duration of marriage may develop an advanced kind of love.
…Maybe in quantity, more; but I don’t yet see how it could be any longer-lasting than these elements already within my solitary heart.
"I shall never love again." Far more than a bitter outburst, such a statement is the humblest recognition of love’s awesome, universal potential.
I surely shall love again, because there exist pure principles in this world that I justly and naturally love, and there exist people who sometimes manifest them. But if love ever could depart from me…
…I would not regret the loss.
And if I can forget, I will.
Let the years heap mountains of earth atop these everlasting boulders of love, and bury them forever.
Someday, let colliding worlds obliterate them. Let the sun devour them. Let gravity implode them. And let time mutate them into what they were not.
At that day, I will love goodness and truth only, which have never… which can never betray or hurt me.
Then, after all this, what are girls?
They are breeders.
…They are goddesses.
Ah… may I find one to outlast time.
A man’s labour is to create a house, and a woman’s is to create the family inside it. So is God, and so are we.
My house is empty… but I’ll keep building.