2009/11 – Weight

On the weekend, my mom reminded me that they would go get a tree after Thanksgiving.
…I remembered how I’d never invited her out to Manila…  There has never really been a chance since she got here.  She’s been all hyper-popular, Korean-American, running up and down the country and living all loudly and whatever.  Friendships can’t really be close in that situation anyway, even without difficult memories.
But it seemed there was a chance this year.
I gave it a shot last night.  It was a long shot, anyway.
I invited her to eat with my relatives, but entirely forgot to mention Manila.  I’m not excited to have to bring it up again…  If there’s another chance… I guess I’ll have to.  Just to do it.
Anyway, today has been kind of chilly… drab.  There’s no colour anywhere…
Well, somebody just came online.
Agghh… How stressful… I was nervous.
It’s done, anyway…
Ah, that was hard. >_<
Well… on with Thanksgiving.]
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5 Responses to 2009/11 – Weight

  1. Thankful says:

    “She” doesn’t know and never will appreciate all that she is missing…(and I don’t mean Manila).

  2. Steve says:

    “…Is the meaning of the word restoration to take a thing […] and place it in an unnatural state, or to place it in a state opposite to its nature? […] This is not the case…”

    It’s true; she doesn’t appreciate the same things I do. The fact is, I’m old… ancient, even. This “she” whom I so favoured is not one of my vanishing generation — the silent, the poetic, the meaning-driven; the deeply thoughtful who invariably look past shiny surfaces; the careful analysts who, abhoring deception, trust the accuracy of symbols. Her generation rather consists of those tumbling headlong down the slope of change and activity, trying and discarding everything new, more to burn up youth’s energy than to acquire anything. The one next to the other is like a neuron next to a muscle cell….

    Maybe I can’t any longer hope for her, or anybody, to go beyond their chosen nature… The biologist has faith in somewhat random genetic variation as the means of life’s creation; the prophets likewise describe the vast diversity of the heavens, every man molded for his own future state by his own unbound preferences. In the end, I and she will be different species. And “love” is too flimsy a thread to restrain the free agency by which we each seek our own… although those who attain sufficient power of choice can rule themselves with even a thread. In that regard, I’m not quite ancient enough yet, although I’ve been grasping this thread for so long.

  3. Heidi says:

    Steve, try to call you a couple times to see how you are doing. Anyway, happy thanksgiving~

  4. Steve says:

    Heidi. Thanks for trying. I would always welcome a call from you, if only I’m home to get it. If not, you could talk to my mom.

    Thanks for your holiday wishes. Things are o.k. today. I also wonder how you’re doing over there.

  5. Heidi says:

    How are you today?

    I am alright now. I currently am sitting in the lobby of Kowloon Tong chapel. My intention was going to the endowment session at 4pm. When I was grooming myself this morning, I thought somebody may want to see me and end up seeing some if my husband’s primary students whom have grown up and become some faithful missionaries. I also end up teaching some of them in my seminary class.

    Last two nights, I was writing my journals and talking to Thomas Hui. He said time really solved out lots of things. You found your wife. I have found my husband. I was little angry at myself— remember you have once said if I am not married by the age of 30, you would gladly take me as your wife. I am turning 29 next Tuesday….we met when I was 19. 10 years passed by. I was the one who would not patiently wait and honestly since I left Vancouver, I hardly thought about you since you unfriend me on Facebook. Before I met Curtis, I still missed you sometimes. Honestly, I only know you went to BYU. Other than that, these days are my vacation I read through the entry one by one… Sorry that your dog died. I remember your dog and I have played with him a couple times. Congrats on your graduation on LDSBC which I have promised you I will fly and see. But you never let me know….. Let keep in touch, okay? It sucks how we have always chatted, but suddenly you are a total stranger now.

    These six years… After practicing for GRE, I realized my verbal and written skills have improved. I talked to my husband about how you have edited my papers throughout my bachelor degree. I missed those time.

    I have grown up now. I have secured with a career. I have a husband whom I love dearly. You know I never mean to do anything to harm you at the beginning just like now I do not want to do anything to harm my marriage. I love you and I still do. If I have not met Curtis three years ago… I will still remember our promise. Sorry! I forget. I hope that marriage will be eternal. I almost want to slap on your face when you are married with a non member, but I guess God has another trial for you. Good luck with that and hope to see you at Seoul soon.

    I am bored. I am having a week off from work. You know how weird and emotional I would be. Email me sometimes. I try to find those SLC pictures I have with you, but I would not find them anymore.

    Talk to me when you have time.

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