2011/04/01 F

For externalities, there’s war now in Libya (the land to which my father connects me), oppression over on the Gulf, and anger and trouble in Syria, not to mention the Ivory Coast and elsewhere… and hardly daring mention Japan’s loss.

I supported Libya from the beginning, having very quickly detected what I took as clear signs of populism, while my fellow-voters have instead chosen “hypocrisy” as the safer role, forgetting their support of the Bush Doctrine, and pushing every possible excuse to abandon Libyans — not for any body’s sake, only to vent their wrath at Obama.

I grant that if U.S. liberals hadn’t turned the whole world’s opinion so everlastingly against their own president, conservatives today might not have been so bitter and small about Libya — but if some body needs to be Christ-like, and forgive their persecutors, and turn the other cheek, shouldn’t it be the followers of Christ who seem to fill the conservative ranks?  If we wait for decency from the left, we’ll all grow old and die together — but already buried in our grudges.  We who claim any superior vantage cannot fail to act superiorly and still retain the claim.

Obama was right to act.  He was indeed slow to act, but he moved before time ran out, and is now likely trying to figure out how to make the necessary choice, the Bush choice, while apparently still obstructed by his isolationist prejudices and hopes for re-election.

If he did rightly, then whose cause is helped by trying to argue that he did wrongly?  Republicans’?  Does it really help if you run an Obama campaign, falsely insinuating world peace, and then you get stuck in the same emergency as happens every several years, and need to break your own principles to do the human thing?

No, that doesn’t help.  That will get you tossed right back out of office.  Just be true to principle in-stead.  The French, the Europeans had a bit of principle this time.   Obama, for a change, chose to have principle, what-ever else also tugged at him.  Don’t jealously cast away your own principle just because some body else shared it.  Wasn’t that your goal all along, to share it?

…Ran out of fuel here…  Edit more later.

Kim Hyunju talked to me some minutes ago… first time in ma

—   —   —
(04/02 S, 12:30)

So, it wasn’t much of a talk with her, owing partly to poor on-line connection.  I still pity her, but I’m not sure how far beyond that that it goes.  For philosophical matters, I only have one person to talk with… Myeong-Seon.

Though I’ve re-considered Myeong-Seon’s and my situation several times recently, I still feel decidedly about not straying from truth’s mandates regarding family-creation.  Children may fall into the madness and darkness of atheism, or else retreat to a simpler and vaguer faith, but a parent who willfully starts that child on the path of ignorance instead of knowledge, emptiness instead of hope, will answer for the suffering of both that child and all of its children.  I am selfish enough with my faith, but I mustn’t malign my own offspring.

If she came over?  If she began to believe in the prophets who, even at this very moment, prepare to sound their voices, then what?

Well, there is some chance… that my children would come out with that huge, spreading smile of my study buddy…

I just woke up from another Bomie dream.  They seem to come on the nights after I see her face.  I saw her (or one much like her, since I only caught half of the face) get up and leave in the library last night…  The dream was nice; we were at some school, and she avoided me at first, then came again and asked some thing about her homework.  We talked a little.  I no longer allow my self to miss her, but the yearning is still there, waiting just out-side of the door.

It was… let’s see… almost exactly 51 months ago, the first time; 47, I think, the second… and nearly 36 ago, the third time.  Her major rejections, I mean.  I may be leaving out some; there was also that softer time at the restaurant about 38 months ago.  Any way, I decided long ago that there won’t be another rejection… and so I wear out my days, and waste away in silence.

I must admit, finally, that… though I have been interested in others… the thing numbing me, gently reclining me in to a care-free singlehood that grows ever more permanent, is that… I still wish for Bomie, some how.  I still some how hope for her, wait for her in the day-time to ever fulfill any part of my night-time dreams.  It’s not an active wish; I will not pursue it.  It’s just a kind of mild, constant sedative…

I’m sure many have felt this way, refusing to forget their cherished.

I guess it’s weakness.  I’ll continue dimming that hope.

May-be I can’t pin it on her any way, and would be single no matter my past, due to my own laziness.

Owing to the general conference, I’ll have to leave now to get ready to catch a bus.  My purpose of this entry has been to recount the past two weeks; I’ll edit it in later.

-Steve Foster

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